John Buchanan's Invention and Kolkata Knight Riders

In a report on innovation trends across nations, which was published few days back, had ranked India pretty low. This report sparked off a minor debate among intelligentsia. However, politics and cricket soon took center stage and innovation index was forgotten, like it should be. Come-on we (Indians) don't give a damn about innovation or scientific research. “This is what happens when you are not willing to spend even a half percent of country’s GDP on R&D” I said to my friend, to which he did not react at all like he heard the terms GDP and R&D for the first time. See we really don’t give a damn.

This was story few days back. Now things have changed for better. Political plays and cricketing chaos has paid off really well by inspiring millions of us to innovate. Tata NANO was launched, 3rd Front was launched, IPL will be launched in South Africa, and Varun Gandhi launched his stupid comments. “Highly creative cum inspirational environment perfectly suitable to blossom cum nurture innovation” was Durga Naresh’s comment who used pauses between each word for max impact. Taking an inspiration from this so-called creative cum inspirational environment John Buchanan –current coach of Kolkata Knight Riders - too thought to invent something. “I felt... I felt... I felt.., I was left behind by my counter parts in other professions. And to overcome this I thought of something really cool” narrated Aussie Buchanan. By the way if you are still wondering what that “really cool” thing is, let me inform you John invented “The 4 Captain Theory” ™ ©. A trademark owned by John. Trespassers will be prosecuted.

[Photo]

Buchanan made this announcement (about 4 captains) in an official press conference jointly addressed by John Buchanan and Sourav Ganguly, thereby cutting a major crap out of media personnel and later of television viewing personnel. I mean public. Sourav Ganguly seemed extremely distracted while Buchanan spoke and randomly began chasing a housefly. Also, he disappeared in a moment only to reappear in a moment. Ganguly was distracted and disinterested to such an extent that, he was lifting his hand for no reason, his fingers made weird actions like he was scratching some serious skin of an itch victim person.

As usual political spectrum was first in the list to take a clue from this path breaking (literally) invention and have improvised it in their respective field of polity. Now PM’s post ain’t a bone of contention for Advani, Pawar, Mayawati and the very low profile humble Manmohan Singh as they all will (not can) be next prime ministers of this great nation. This has even solved the leadership issued of police in several states. Now senior police officials need not lobby hard to become commissioner, 4 of them can simultaneously share the post.

In a post-conference conference Buchanan made a PowerPoint presentation about how he came across this stunning idea. He said “I consistently look for something extra. Last night I was reading this book of Stephen Hawking called something… what is it called..?? Yeah! A Brief History of Time, where he mentioned about the 4 dimensions (X, Y, Z and Time) that we live in. This thing surprised me a lot...” Buchanan did put up an amazed kind of look on his face and patted and Nuzzled Ganguly at regular periodic intervals. He continued “… and this was when, when I thought and said to myself... “Hey, this it the time, right time to invent something” and here I am in front of you all making a PowerPoint presentation.” As he halted the proceedings finally there were many pauses and applause's. Boria Majumdar was angry. Breaking this news on Times Now, Boria said “This is ridiculous. And rest must pay in cash.” Some random anchor consoled and apologized TV audience for Boria’s increasing erratic behaviour. Sourav has been unreachable for his comments.

Rumor has it that Buchanan has developed some sort of artificial intelligence with the help of an abundantly available local CSE engineering student. This enables him to foresee future during wee hours of Saturday. Student name not disclosed for personal reasons. – Sources (as always)